Borrowed Time

My apologies for taking so long to update it’s been a bit of a roller coaster for my health and emotions.

A month from tomorrow, Boxing Day 2020 will mark 5 years of my metestatic cancer diagnoses. The survival rate I was given was 22% at 5 years. Of 100 women my age and diagnoses, 78 of them have already passed. I can not even begin to explain the emotions tied to this. I feel like every day is borrowed. I know and completely believe God has my days in His hands, but I can’t help wondering how long He’ll give me or will this suddenly be the end without warning.

Isaiah 33:6 NLT
[6] In that day he will be your sure foundation, providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. The fear of the Lord will be your treasure.

https://bible.com/bible/116/isa.33.6.NLT

I’ve had another CT since sharing last and it was confusing as it is showing further shadowing, some new nodules with, again some disappearing. None of my doctors are able to tell us what’s happening. Discussions have been happening between my internist, oncologist and rheumatologist with no real answers. The plan is a repeat CT in early December to once again see what’s happening. Real answers could be attained with an invasive lung scope that involves “washing” out some cells to test. But this requires putting water into my lungs. My strength and capacity to cough out this water after the test is very limited, which puts me at increased risk of pneumonia. Not sure the risks outweigh the benefits.

Currently, I feel well, breathing easily with no puffer. Energy and weight are up a bit. My oncologist also took me off my main cancer med, Ibrance, as it was causing severe nausea, vomiting, and weight loss during my two weeks on. So, currently, I’m off both my scleroderma and cancer meds. I feel so much better overall aside from some hand pain that’s been managed, but I worry that both or either of these diseases will overtake me at any time.

2 Peter 3:17 NLT
[17] You already know these things, dear friends. So be on guard; then you will not be carried away by the errors of these wicked people and lose your own secure footing.

https://bible.com/bible/116/2pe.3.17.NLT

Almost a month ago, my surgeon pulled my feeding tube at my request. I haven’t used it for feeds for over a year, it often leaks and is always dangling in the way. I am able to consume enough orally. We slowly sized the tube down until completely pulling it 10 days ago. It is crazy how much a tiny hole can leak. Each day, it closes more and leaks a little less but it is so extremely SLOW and frustrating. My skin is very red and irritated by the stomach bile on it constantly. Please pray this would miraculously close soon as my patience and hope is running thin.

On a happier note, we enjoyed closing summer with a week at Keji and 4-H Provincial Show. Everyone enjoyed both. We celebrated some birthdays, Pitman Rib Fest, 4-H Year End Banquet, and our 20yr old venturing out into his own apartment. It was a sweet, quiet fall spent close to home. We really enjoy the sweet little oasis we’ve created at our home.

Colossians 2:5 NLT
[5] For though I am far away from you, my heart is with you. And I rejoice that you are living as you should and that your faith in Christ is strong.

https://bible.com/bible/116/col.2.5.NLT

Join us in praying for continued stability, some answers or peace when the answers don’t come and as much borrowed time that the Lord will allow. I feel like my time here isn’t finished but know that’s not my choice. Please pray for our children as one battles anxiety. For my mental health also as I constantly struggle with feeling like a burden and that my family may have an easier life without needing to help me.