Break #2 – NOT!

Even though I didn’t have treatment last week, it was my second break, I never really recovered from my 6th treatment.

Having continued physical symptoms that brought pain, swelling and exhaustion made the emotional/mental fog feel huge these past two weeks. The emotional weight of my scan results took their toll on me. Discouragement and fear took hold.

Several other factors added to these emotions:

#1 The thought of being only halfway through chemo, 6 full treatments to go, with the new plan, was too much to process.

#2 Our sweet and sassy 20+ year old pony, that we’ve had for many years, that we bought as a 3 year old for our oldest dauhter, was diagnosed with Cushings Disease along with a flare up of her Heaves. Decisions needed to be made to treat her or put her down. (We will be treating her as my heart can’t take putting her down right now. We’ll see how she responds to medication.)

#3 My mom was, for the second time, taken off palliative care. Most reading that last sentence will wonder why that is heartbreaking. My mom is in long term care, she has been locked away from everyone she loves for over a year now and has majorly deteriorated mentally and physically from sheer loneliness. Her being on palliative care meant any two people could be with her any time of day. This brought her so much joy and she has felt better but is not well enough to be alone again. One of my sisters and myself are her designated caregivers, but with my health, I had been unable to be there for her as much as she needed. Being palliative allowed several of us to visit and care for her. With her no longer being palliative and me not feeling well meant I have chosen to give up my designated caregiver status to my aunt that can be there for mom everyday. Very thankful she can be there for her but very sad that today was my last day with her. I don’t know when or if I’ll see her again.😔

#4 Lock down! Thanks Covid-19, when we need close family and friends the most, when we need help the most, it is illegal to interact with anyone outside our household.

I struggled to remain fixed in truth! Keeping your mind clear when your heart is hurting is HARD!

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9 ESV

Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.
John 17:17 ESV

Thankful I know His word! Thankful I know His truth!

Yesterday brought relief! I finally felt like I could breath again. A weight lifted when I met with my doctor at the cancer clinic. A new plan, moving forward, was needed! Thankful for her care, for the collaboration with my Halifax oncologist, that she understands quality of life is just as important as quantity to me. Thankful for and blessed by the medical team around me.

The NEW plan: I will receive the originally planned 3 more chemo treatments not 6 and with a dose reduction again, then I will begin antihormonal therapy and another oral medication, letrozole and palbociclib. Chemo is causing not only the side effects I should recover from, it is causing nerve damage in my hands that may not go away if we continue with too much more. Not being able to open bottles, write, do up buttons on my baby’s clothes and several other things has been another source of discouragement these last few weeks. Today was Cycle #3, treatment #7. Only 2 more doses to go! A small blessing in my blood work results today, one of the cancer markers they test dropped by half in the last month! Chemo is doing something!❤

The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.
Job 33:4 ESV

Beyond the hurt, there is beauty and blessings! God’s gifts are a balm in the midst!

Before restrictions tightened we were able to celebrate the upcoming arrival of granddaughter #1 with a beautiful shower! Can not wait to snuggle this sweet baby!

We also got to celebrate our youngest’s first birthday! Our sweet baby #10 that has completed our family!

More fresh air and friends before lockdown!

Pray for strength in these last few chemo weeks!

Pray for these treatments to be killing cancer cells!

Pray that our needs will be met despite Covid-19!

We need some YES!

For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.
2 Corinthians 1:20 ESV