I Can’t……. but God CAN!

These last three weeks have been both beautiful and hard.

We celebrated the beautiful wedding of our oldest son and his beautiful bride, we’re super excited for them as they begin their new life together in their own home (purchased the same week as the wedding!😲)

We ended our 4-H year with a fun beach party! A very different year for sure, we have greatly missed all the usual 4-H activities and can’t wait to get back at it!

Thanks to our amazing friends for taking him and amazing friends and family helping at home, this guy was able to get away for a few days. He has been a HUGE day to day help for me when everyone else goes to work he helps wrangle his busy baby sister and hold down the fort for my many appointments. I couldn’t do it without his help.

Two of the boys enjoyed a Discovery Center digital camp!

Two of the girls enjoyed a sweet little DVBS! A huge thank you to their chauffeur for the week!🥰😉 This wouldn’t have happened without you!❤

The hard……

Tonight is the end of a two week med break.  I thought it would bring some relief, healing and energy….it did not. Mentally processing and wrestling with that reality this week has been SO SO hard. Realizing that feeling like this for the long term is my reality is HARD! I start a reduced dose of Ibrance tomorrow.

To the person who felt they needed to share this week that I am not saying, being or doing what they need, your words were the last thing I needed to hear. To anyone else that feels this way, I’m sorry. Covid has shrunk everyone’s social circle. Mine has shrunk even more through cancer because I simply do not have more to give, physically or mentally. I so wish I did. I already carry a huge load of guilt for how this affects everyone around me.

who whet their tongues like swords, who aim bitter words like arrows,
Psalm 64:3 ESV

I can’t be the wife, mother, daughter, sister or friend I was or want to be.

I can’t use my hands like I want because they are weak and hurt. Same with my knees.

I can’t do all that I want in a day because of my energy level. If you see us out, it’s because something at home isn’t getting done or we’ve had help.

Trouble and anguish have found me out, but your commandments are my delight.
Psalm 119:143 ESV

BUT……even though I can’t…….God is taking my “I” and helping me see this is part of His plans……confirming I definitely can’t but that He absolutely….can!

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.
Psalm 62:5 ESV

Practical advice from other large family momma’s that have lived in survival mode, for various reasons, for more than short periods has been an invaluable help. Applying things will take time and adjustment. Training our kids in chore areas they’ve never needed to tackle before will take time and patience.

Managing more (and needing help from hubby for this) while physically doing less will be our reality. I’m used to working alongside my family.

Beginning our 22nd homeschooling year even more scheduled and prepared than I normally am is taking time this month.

Pursuing some physical relief through lymph drainage massage and seeking better pain management is happening this month. My pain has been tricky as it’s not cancer pain, it’s joint and muscle pain brought on by chemo and putting my body into complete menopause so fast. Finding meds that work while allowing me to be alert and present (which I refuse to take if they don’t) is hard.

Please continue to cover our family in prayer!

*Pray for direction and hope as we navigate this new way of life for us.

*Pray that I can find both physical and mental relief.

*Pray for those closest to us, that they would  be blessed and feel loved and appreciated.

*Pray these meds are working.

*Please never cease praying for complete miraculous healing!

Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.
Isaiah 65:24 ESV