Love You Mom – Saying Goodbye

Mary Lydia Oxner – April 21st, 1938 – November 19th, 2021

These past two weeks have been full. Filled with family, tears, smiles, stories, conversations, connecting and love. Although exhausting in so many ways it was a gift and a blessing God knew was needed. As always His timing and plans are perfect, beyond our understanding.

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Psalms 4:8 NIV

Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Proverbs 31:31 NIV

We said goodbye, for now, to my mom. For close to 20 years she has battled Parkinsons Disease. A very gradual physical decline, slowed some by medications over the years, but sped up through covid. Although death and religion were topics mom never wanted to talk about, I’m trusting, for several reasons, that she did know Jesus as her Lord and Savior and is dancing and rejoicing with Him today. We will meet again.

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”
Luke 1:45 NIV

Her last 8 years and 4 months have been spent at The Meadow’s Home for Special Care. Here she has been loved and cared for by amazing staff that feel like family. The love and tenderness shown for her in her final days was a blessing to be a witness to.

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If anyone wonders where I get my strength and sass from, they didn’t know mom. Lol She was all things sweet and spunky, all at the same time.

This was mom’s third time being put on palliative care. Sheer loneliness from early covid lockdowns had her completely giving up and quickly declining both physically and mentally. With family allowed in, barely, she bounced back only to have family, aside from two designated caregivers, shut out again. Because of my health and having chemo I gave up my dcg status. Her second decline this spring, with not enough family visits, meant overwhelming sadness that found her giving up again.

We are absolutely built for vibrant, community living with love, physical touch, conversation and care from those that know and love us most. If you care to argue, you haven’t known someone in long term care through covid. This was not handled correctly, if I never hear again the statements “for the greater good”, ” we’re in this together”, “to keep us safe” it would be most welcomed. All of these statements literally make me cringe.

Mom loved for us to come in with all the kids, fill her room, put a kids show on the tv and feed them treats, she always had the best treats on hand. It filled her heart and soul each and every time. Hugs, kisses, I love you’s ended each visit. Not doing that for nearly two years now is absolutely devastatingly heartbreaking. Window and/or 6 feet visits are never enough!

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.
Psalms 126:5 NIV

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Pre covid our homeschool group had also begun visits and activities, not only with my mom, but many residents that just enjoyed soaking up the company of children and their momma’s. This is something our family would love to do again someday. Children just light up the life for so many of our seniors like no one else can!

It was a privilege to be with her in her final days. Thankful for the timing, with reasonably lifted restrictions for palliative care, until day 10 in the waiting of her passing. When once again ridiculous, overbearing restrictions, that make absolutely so sense, were shared with us. Unless you have a loved one in LTC or the hospital, you can not understand how illogical these rule changes are.

But she was never alone and will never be alone again. To watch the slow transition from this world into acceptance and an undeniable beautiful peace that filled her, my sister and I and the whole room just a day before she departed was a treasure I’ll hold dear forever.

Walking the road of sorrow with God’s word, prayer, worship music and this book when the words couldn’t be found, carried me.

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We celebrated her life with a small private gathering of those she loved most, just as she would have wanted. Nothing formal, nothing for show, just family together. Tucking away treasured memories to hold close.

He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth. The Lord has spoken.
Isaiah 25:8 NIV

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:57 NIV

I’ll love you for forever! I’ll love you for always! As long as I’m living my mommy you’ll be!❤