Year One – Goodbye to 2021!

One year today I got a call from our family doctor, who is thankfully also a very dear friend, to come in to his office for my December 2020 CT results. After asking if it could just be shared over the phone and getting a no, we need to talk it over, our hearts sank. This isn’t the first time we’ve gotten grave news that needed to be given in person but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:16 NIV

Your heart and mind swirl with possibilities of what will be shared as you head in. We knew this meant more cancer but really never expected the gravity of the diagnoses. Stage IV metastatic breast cancer. Not only the spot I found and could feel but a lymph node, bones and liver all showing spots of disease, several spots in each. No cure. A defined timeline on my life.

If you haven’t personally experienced this kind of news, for yourself or a close loved one, I don’t know that I can adequately explain the crashing weight that hits you full force. Your entire world, your entire life, the life of your whole family, changed forever.

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
Psalms 119:28 NIV

Then knowing you have to drive home to a house full of awaiting children and explain to them what’s happening. It is absolutely heartbreakingly devestating. Not how we’d all hoped to start a brand new year, 2021.

Needing time to process, pray and plan we kept my diagnoses very quiet for a time. Only sharing with those quietly praying alongside us. When sharing such news openly, comes the processing of everyone else’s responses and emotions, which is totally normal and understandable, but is too much to take on when heavy processing is happening at home. It wasn’t to keep it secret or hidden just to allow us to breath in the midst of hurting.

Planning for what early 2021 was going to look like began. How were we going to tackle this beast again, for the 4th time, how agressive did we need to be to give me time with my family?

God completely orchestrated it all, from surgeries, to remove the affected lymph node to have a more accurate diagnosis of the type of cancer that reoccured. My ovaries and fallopian tubes removed and port a cath placed in one surgery to stop the hormones my cancer loves to use to grow and for easy access to IV meds without needing my terrible veins. The plan of IV chemo, followed by some radiation and then oral hormone suppressant and cancer med were put in place. My first chemo was March 4th, 2021.

Looking back and hearing other’s stories of how long wait times can be, how last minute surgery cancelations happen and appointments are not always timely for so many, I am so very thankful for a God that can move mountains! He did and has SO many times for me.

Here we are staring 2022 in the face, less than a week away. Once again, we really have no idea what this new year will look like. We can guess, we can imagine what it may look like but cancer has it’s own plans, be them good or bad.

Continuing to learn to live with the disabilities caused by the side effects of IV chemo and my current meds, Letrozole and Ibrance will be part of this year. Continuing to figure out a med plan that keeps cancer at bay while still allowing me to function. Continuing to pray for healing and cancer regression all the way to NEAD (no evidence of active disease) will all be part of EVERY day.

But as for me, afflicted and in pain— may your salvation, God, protect me.
Psalms 69:29 NIV

But in the midst of this, life continues! A life I want to be a part of! A life I love beyond words! A life I want to live as normal as possible for our children and grandbaby (whatever this means in a Covid crazed world).

Christmas was beautiful and hard. I was not mentally prepared to physically be unable to do so many things. Very thankful for lots of help, especially wrapping gifts, but it’s still hard to process the changes, the inabilities.

Also happening, our sweet 12yr old miniature schnauzer did not have a great check up just before Christmas. Her heart murmur caused by lyme disease has gotten alot worse these past few months, along with declining sight and hearing. She is starting meds to help move fluid from her heart/lungs to give her some relief. Hoping we still have some time with her.🤞

In the midst of grieving my mom this Christmas, in the midst of grieving my health, in the midst of tears that flow so freely, so often, our eyes have and will remain fixed on Jesus! Our anchor, our hope in all the uncertain, in all the unknown. He knows the future, He knows the plans when we don’t and trusting in that brings an unshakable, unexplainable hope and joy!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

My next CT is this Friday, January 31st, Happy New Year’s Eve to me. Please pray for stability and/or healing and for scanxiety to be at bay as we await the results in the new year. With some longer breaks and dose reduction in the 4 months since my last CT, we don’t know how the cancer is responding.

Thank you for following my journey this year, thank you for praying, thank you to all those that have tangibly, faithfully walked beside us in so many ways this year. You are all SO very much appreciated, beyond words!

May God be mightily seen by all in 2022!

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,
Hebrews 6:19 NIV

It is WELL…….through it all! Trust in HIM!

https://open.spotify.com/track/3MRqm3VNWLIjRiLRQezul7?si=Axw-CQSkSjaZClzlxmX1og&utm_source=copy-link