Learning to say…yes!

Good news this month is we have happy healthy children! Our littlest is cast free! After 4 weeks, 1 day she healed beautifully and enjoyed supper in the city with us!❤

We celebrated Gramp. P.’s 75th birthday!

This last month has been hard and frustrating. I had had a bit of a longer break before beginning cycle 8 of Ibrance. I was feeling okay, thankful to be back to church as restrictions lifted, managing life a little bit better with alot of the aids we purchased. But cycle 8 knocked me down again.

Just when I feel like I take one step forward, cancer/treatment quickly puts me back two steps or more.

This cycle brought more weakness, more stiffness and tightness all over and now not only severe in my hands but up my entire arm. Depleting my ROM in my elbow and shoulder. My balance has also gotten worse. I had a fall, just reaching down to pick something up off the floor.

This resulted in an ankle injury. It feels more like a tendon/ligament issue up from my heel is sharp stinging pain and crunching feelings. I’m awaiting the results of an xray on Friday, March 11th and will go from there. In the meantime an ankle stability support boot has been very helpful in reducing the pain.

This injury and further reduction of my abilities has resulted in me needing more help. The aids are useful but other’s hand and strength are still greatly need. Learning to ask for and/or say yes to offered help has been one of THE hardest things of this entire journey. I am beyond thankful for the help from my amazing family and friends while still wanting so badly to do it all myself.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 NIV

As picture memories pop up of me beginning IV chemo just one short year ago, I remember all the things I could do. It is absolutely heartbreaking remembering what I was capable of a year ago compared to today.😭

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
Isaiah 43:18 NIV

My reality is….. limiting my activities in a day because of extremely low energy, showering earlier in the day for energy/strength reasons too. Choosing clothes and shoes based on what I can get on myself and/or who is around to help me with these choices, schooling from a comfy chair, assessing foods carefully to see if I can cut it or open things and having a plan for our children helping each day, is just a glimpse into our life.

Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me; Lord, be my help.”
Psalms 30:10 NIV

Before beginning my last cycle I had begun doing some stretches and chair yoga. It felt so good but was too much to continue with into cycle 8. Very frustrating.😔

Some of the aids that have been super helpful are pictured below. All making walking, nail trimming, shaving, showering, tooth brushing, getting clothes off, getting socks on and eating doable.

After an appointment with one of my oncology doctors on Friday, referrals to a rheumatologist and dermatologist are in progress and also planned booking for my next CT for the end of March. I really need to figure out how to feel better. I want to enjoy this life I’m given not just extend it. If together this can’t be figured out, I’m very close to stopping these cancer drugs completely or taking very long breaks so I can once again be an active part of my family, not just a lump in a chair.😭 My brain is getting so tired from mentally managing our life from a chair with so little physical ability.

Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Savior.
Psalms 38:22 NIV

Along with me not feeling well, our old pony has taken a turn for the worse again. We are treating her for both lyme and laminitis, a second week of meds, that taste terrible and she hates so much, we will reassess how she’s feeling.

Please pray for answers, relief, my upcoming CT and healing of my ankle.😔

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
Romans 8:26 NIV

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Psalms 30:2 NIV