Just…..deeply discouraged!

WARNING! IF YOU WANT ONE OF MY USUAL CHEERY POSITIVE POSTS, PLEASE CLOSE NOW!DON’T READ FURTHER!

I haven’t updated in a bit. I’m being real and honest, just feeling low, sad, defeated and plain ol’ discouraged these past few weeks. It just seems like one issue resolves and a new one begins. I sometimes feel like I’m drowning, able to come up and gasp for just enough air to survive but not thrive. Almost afraid for one thing to get better because it only means something else will begin.

The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.
Ecclesiastes 1:18 NLT

I had just restarted my scleroderma med, methotrexate when I last blogged. That began an entire week of diarrhea. NOT FUN! Once that settled, my stomach began to flare up again. Extreme nausea, vomiting several times a week, usually most evenings. MORE NOT FUN!

After a doctor visit, switching up some meds, antibiotics, some blood and iron infusions things finally settled down.

Next would be a UTI, treated with more antibiotics. Followed was a severe infection in my two fingers that have calcium deposit ulcers, add a third antibiotic.

I sit here today, on a fourth antibiotic, as my finger infection majorly flared one week after finishing my last antibiotic.

Tomorrow I have a scope to recheck my esophagus and stomach. Seeing if the inflammation and ulcers have cleared.

I haven’t been driving for a few months now. All winter it was extremely painful to drive with my cold stiff hands. Now that the weather is getting warmer, I don’t need gloves every time I step outside and Jeff is getting back to work full time, I wanted to be able to drive again.

Since my hands are weaker than they were in the fall, we added a three prong steering wheel device to our van and I’ve been doing some strengthening exercises with a weight. My first trial drive was for one of our children’s doctor’s appointments. It was HARD! Painful and not something I’m looking forward to doing again.

If you’d be comfortable driving our van, have some time in the day and would occasionally like to bless our family, taking us to an occasional homeschool event or doctor/dentist appointment, please reach out. I really struggle to ask for help but sometimes our immediate family is just too busy and I hate for our children to miss out because of my inabilities.

Another huge area of discouragement for me is how utterly inaccessible our world is. Curbs in places where ramps should be, ramps that have HUGE lips on them, handicap doors that don’t fully open and/or slam shut unexpectedly, elevator doors that do not stop properly or have certain doors locked – limited accessibility, super low toilets EVERYWHERE, narrow/tight everything unless I’m in a big box store, grab bars in completely useless positions are only a few things. Forget about being independent and handicap, for me that reality will never be. We can’t go a day without hearing the word “inclusive”. Our focus is so misplaced in this world, it makes me sad.

Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.
Ecclesiastes 7:3 NLT

We also said goodbye to our sweet 13yr old miniature schnauzer Zoe. She had congestive heart failure that was continually getting worse. She is deeply missed.

Life has continued around me, for which I am so thankful and blessed.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT

4-H activities have been in full swing. Provincial Rally happened just this past weekend. We had two do their senior demo, one did her junior thanker speech but the highlight was our lumbersports teams. It was 2018 since Yarmouth sent a junior team and MANY more years since we had a senior team. We had both this year and they both did AMAZINGLY! The junior team placed 3rd of 10 in the province. And even though our senior team didn’t make the top 5, they did some of their best times and are excited for next year. Even though travel is super hard for me now, I am beyond thankful I got to be there to watch everything.

We’ve had a couple birthdays. A big one for Jeff and our baby turned 3yrs old.

Easter was enjoyed at church and with our beautiful family. Two fun Easter egg hunts included.

Please pray for my heart, my mind and continually for my health and healing.

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
2 Corinthians 7:10 NLT